An End to All Good Things

Hello dear readers!

It has been almost a year since I've posted on here, and I apologize for my silence.  When I started this blog I was a young teenager hoping to become more comfortable with writing online through practice.  In the beginning I posted more regularly, and this wonderful little site served its purpose.  Thanks to practice gained and the help of a wonderful Catholic scholar, I am now a columnist on two online websites, a contributor on another, and it is my personal goal to work hard to be published in ink again before the year ends.

All that being said, the time has come to officially announce that I will no longer be posting here.  I will keep the link up so that all the old posts can be accessed, but no new posts will be forthcoming here.  Though this has been quiet, I have been busy writing in other places, and I hope those of you who enjoyed and were helped by my blog will check out my writing elsewhere.  I am a monthly columnist on IgnitumToday and Catholic Stand, and a (very) occasional contributor to the Ink Desk- an online wing of the St. Austin Review literary journal.  My contributions to the latter should be increasing as time passes.

Thank you for your support and encouragement over the years!  I have loved being able to get to know a couple of you better through online interactions, to have been invited into your lives as I invited you into mine.  I pray that my writing has helped touch hearts and inspire the weary as we all strive to reach our Heavenly reward. 

May God bless all of you, and once again, thank you for reading and supporting me when no one else even knew who I was!  I will always be grateful, and will keep you in my prayers.

Have a blessed Holy Week, and farewell!

Shark in the Waters

They say sharks must remain in constant motion in order to stay alive.  Lately, my life has looked a lot like that of a shark- for not only must I remain moving, I'm afraid to stop.

I've written before about my need to plan things, and a lot of various changes and considerations as of late have left my full-proof plans foiled, and aspects of my future in questionable haziness which I cannot penetrate.  My workload this summer has been heavy, demanding, and though every day I wake up dreading the endless shifts ahead, even on my rare days off, I find I can't stop moving.

In her song "Lament", Audrey Assad asks "Why is it easy to work and hard to rest sometimes?"  The answer, at least in my case, is very simple: because when I'm moving I don't have to face the silence.  When I'm moving I can pretend my life is under control.  When I'm moving, I can make myself believe I'm out of God's reach, and maybe I can actually make some plans that work, that won't be ruined or changed.  When I'm running away, I can convince myself I'm ahead, but it's when I stop that the silence comes crashing down, and with Linkin Park I cry "I don't want to be the one the battles always choose, 'cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused".

I didn't realize how long I had been running until something made me pause and the silence scared me, because suddenly I'm lost, strayed further than I intended.  And I need to get back, but I can't.  The way back is so hard, and full of those quiet moments of surrender where you let go of everything, and your soul dangles suspended in the space between "my will" and "Thy will".  Those moments that require complete trust as you hold your breath and wait to see where God directs you.  Those times when I cannot control anything, those times of complete death to self.  They pave the way back, the way that I must stand still long enough to find.

But I'm a shark in the waters now, and not only am I too afraid to stop...  I can't.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit... 

-John 12:24 

 

Why Everyone Should Just "Let It Go"

After watching Disney’s extremely popular and highly controversial Frozen for the third time last night, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone- bloggers, movie reviewers, and Facebook moms included- needs to just “cool” down, take a step back, and examine why this movie has had so much opinionated hype swirling around it in the first place, and whether or not the concerns are justified.

As soon as the trailers for this movie were released, the whispering started.  The feminists and anti-feminists were the first ones to jump all over it, because even the trailers made it clear that two strong female characters dominated the plots of this film.  Right away judgments were flying.   Many praised the film for following in Brave’s footsteps, proudly picturing girls who could hold their own and do things for themselves.  As the movie was released and began to circulate, the overwhelming majority of those criticizing it decried its pro-gay message, claiming the entire movie was a subliminal promotion of “coming-out”, claiming split-second appearances of a gay family in one scene, and an overall message of homosexual toleration.  As always, the Christians also had something to say, some finding positive themes and echoes of moralistic truths etched within the icy scenes, while others feeling the attempt to Christianize the film is a stretch.  A simple Google search of the movie will reveal all of these and more debates encircling the film which has won over the hearts of the general public.

In a world that is constantly promoting immoral and questionable lifestyles, I don’t blame people for jumping all over a movie that definitely strikes out to be a little bit different than the classic fairytale.  But I think that the concerned suspicion which has become all too necessary when examining new media releases may have impaired the ability of many to just enjoy something for its entertainment value, without it having to be either the Devil’s latest tool or God’s newest revelation.

Do I think Frozen promotes feminism or immoral homosexuality?  No, but I also don’t think it is a pillar of Christian virtue either.  While there is something to be said for making sure one does not expose his kids to something that could influence their mental formation or give them the wrong ideas about good and evil, I think it is also possible to become a bit too paranoid when screening movies.  The depth and plot twists in Frozen are too complicated for the majority of kids to understand.  From experience, I’ve seen that kids who love the movie know all the songs, love singing them at the top of their lungs because they’re catchy- NOT because they like the messages that might lurk behind them, think Olaf is hilarious, the girls pretty, and the guys cool (though not nearly as handsome as Tangled’s Flynn Rider, of course…).  The adults are the ones who are offended, but if they stopped to look at their kids they would realize that as long as they are raising them well, in a wholesome environment, teaching them about the faith, and striving to cultivate virtue, a Disney movie with a troubled Queen is not going to turn the daughters feminist and the boys gay.  It’s a visually beautiful movie, has some genuinely funny scenes, and I personally believe could be twisted, turned, and sold as either the most positively Christian film to come out in a while, or the most problematic film to become a hit.  Just like the majority of animated films these days.

The problem is not the amount of kids who are watching the film.  The problem is the amount of adults who are spending more time analyzing every tiny detail of Disney’s latest releases than they are on forming their kids.  To be entirely honest, the majority of Disney’s princess films could promote problematic ideas in a household where virtue has not been taught.  But as Catholics the educating of our children in the faith is of primary importance, and thus should already be forming the kids before they’re being exposed to any films.  The beauty of Christianity is that, if one has been properly formed and cultivated in its virtues and teachings, he can turn any work of art into something beautiful, can see the truth amidst the grey areas, and appreciate it. 

Am I saying that this means anything is okay, as long as kids know the ultimate truths?  No, but I am saying that kids growing up in a strong Catholic environment can and should be allowed to enjoy the entertainment value of a fun, lovely cartoon without any parents feeling guilty.  Parents, don’t let this become the next Harry Potter or Twilight.  If you’re concerned, sit down with your kids and talk to them about the movie, listen to what they have to say.  If they bring up any questions that concern you, address them.  But I think you’ll find that they’ll just giggle about Olaf’s quips, scold Prince Hans for being so tricky, talk about how cool Elsa’s ability to create an outdoor ice-skating rink in the middle of the summer is, and erupt into choruses of “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?”  And you’ll be able to come away relieved and free to just take that worry and “let it go”.

Resisting the Impulse

One of the beautiful gifts God blessed me with during my freshman year of college was a strong, honorable, devout Catholic boyfriend.  I feel incredibly blessed to be in such a wholesome, loving relationship so early in college, and I know we are both looking forward to all the future holds.  Relationships are fun and wonderful things, but they are also a lot of work, and can be a source of many valuable lessons.  Ever heard the saying "Patience is a Virtue"?  Well, from experience I can tell you that you never learn how true that is until you are dating, though it is a lesson which is valuable to everyone, no matter what your state in life is.

The key to patience is learning to resist the impulse.  An impulse is an inclination to react a certain way in that moment, without thinking, often based off of immediate feelings or desires.  For example, if someone hits you, your first impulse might be to hit them back, because you're offended and angry, not because you took time to think about the offender's motives and what would be the best course of action.  Though not all impulses are bad, they often need to be accompanied by a little rationality and moral judgment before they are followed.

Relationships are full of impulses because they are full of emotion.  In the beginning, when everything is so new and the main attraction is physical (not the ONLY one, of course), there are so many impulses to act on that initial desire.  Are these bad impulses?  No, they are completely natural, just like your impulse to defend yourself when you're hit.  But should they always be followed?  No.  Learning to resist these impulses, to give up what one immediately wants for the sake of doing that which is safer, kinder, more virtuous, and based in true love and wisdom, cultivates a virtue quickly being discarded in the world of immediate satisfaction.  It cultivates the virtue of waiting.

Waiting is a virtue which, once cultivated, serves the soul in so many situations, helping it come closer and closer to God by forsaking that which would harm it.  This is why the spiritual Fathers always recommend fasting as a discipline to help dispel lust.  Fasting denies an immediate desire, forcing the appetite to become accustomed to not always being satisfied, and teaching yourself that it is not the base desires which rule and direct you, but the higher, loftier goals.  The wonderful thing about waiting, though it can be incredibly hard, is that it is always rewarded, especially when it is joined with a prayerful offering of that which is given up to God.

Is waiting always enjoyable?  Certainly not!  Right now, I am missing my boyfriend terribly, and still have several weeks to wait until I see him again.  But these summer weeks of separation are allowing both of us to reacquire the good habits the college lifestyle encouraged us to forget, to re-examine our spiritual lives, our relationship with clear minds, to become a part of our families again, and grow individually in the ways we need to, not only for our own sakes, but for the sake of being the best we can for each other.  Do I wish I could drop everything and drive to see him right now?  Of course, but if we always satisfied our impulses, we would be missing out on the graces God is making available to us, the lessons we could be learning, and the virtues we could be cultivating by waiting.  Just like waiting to cross the line of physical affection leads to a deeper, truer, more full love based on more than lust, and eventually leads to a more beautiful marriage, in which chastity and respect are upheld, learning to wait on the littler things: whether it's waiting at the red light instead of risking your own life and that of others, forgoing that drink so that you can drive yourself and your friends home from the party safely, turning down a date with that guy who has a questionable reputation, or skipping dessert to achieve a weight-loss goal, every single thing we decide to wait for, every unwise impulse we learn to resist, makes our lives that much better, and strengthens our ability to discern between what is necessary, what is wise, and what is harmful, physically or spiritually.  And once you learn to wait on the little things, you suddenly discover that God provides temptations which should be resisted for our own good, that He sees everything we give up for the sake of following Him, and that waiting on His timing instead of our own often brings about rewards greater than the desire forgone originally.

Learning to wait makes you step back and examine how much the desired thing is truly worth to you, and oftentimes the longer you wait to receive it, the more you learn to value, respect, and cherish it.

And, believe me, if you wait for God to satisfy your heart's desires, He will always make sure it is worth the wait!



God bless all of you as you endure, and learn to embrace, your own seasons of waiting!  My prayers are with you!


Both images from a Google Image search.

Someone, please, like me...

Jumping back into the online writing world, beginning with sharing this article I wrote for Christendom College's student journal, The Rambler, entitled "Someone, please, like me" about the digital age and the need to feel loved.


Be on the look-out for upcoming posts about The Amazing Spider-man 2, the virtues to be found in waiting, and whether God "only helps those who help themselves": coming soon to a blog near you! :)

Busy, Busy, Dreadfully Busy

Hello Dear Readers!

I promise I have not fallen off the face of the Earth, forsaken or given up on this blog, or suddenly run out of things to say.  This semester has been even busier than the last and thus too many things, such as leisure reading, writing, and blogging, have become lost luxuries.

But, I have many ideas for posts, and the restlessness that writers feel when they've abandoned the pen (or keyboard, in this case) for too long is settling in, and I hope to provide you all with more activity once the month is over.

Thank you for your patience, for continuing to follow me, and I hope your Lenten season has been a holy and meditative one!

Here's a few links to past posts about Lent that might provide inspiration for both new readers and old friends, and some other old posts I thought I'd resurface just for fun, and to give you all something to remind you of what is to come!

Happy Lent?
Overwhelmed?
A Couple CDs for Lent
The Passion
Mary and Protestants
Why Harry Isn't Worth It

God bless and enjoy the last few days of March!

On Starting Over... Self-Image

Modern media is very good at making normal people, especially women, feel inferior.  Magazines picture society's most beautiful women, modified because even they are not as perfect naturally as the ridiculous standard says they should be.  Movies feature the most attractive actors and actresses doing everything unbelievably well in the most unrealistic situations.  The popular music hits are very manipulative, glamorizing immoral lifestyles and objectifying people, neglecting to uphold the dignity of each person and only focusing on the pleasure one's body can provide.  A woman cannot go throughout an average day without being told in multiple ways that she should drop twenty pounds, increase her muscle tone, decrease her personal value, and make herself available to every man who wants her, because her purpose is to please men with her body by selling herself as an object in the way that she dresses and behaves.  Men, though not under the same, constant, visual pressure, are sold a false, dumbed-down definition of manhood.  They are told to act on their basest desires, not to think, but to listen to impulse, to view women as objects for their enjoyment, to chase them like animals rather than pursue them like gentlemen, seeking physical satisfaction alone and lowering their standards to match society's lowered expectations.

This sad picture of secular society explains why so many teenagers and young adults today struggle with self-image.  After all, it's hard enough to believe you're beautiful and valued when the hormones and challenges of transitioning from childhood to adulthood begin without all of the outside pressure.  And in this digital age, growing adults are faced with so many more visual reminders of what society claims they should look like and what their lives should be.  Too many teenagers struggle through high school without ever having anyone tell them that the cultural "norm" isn't normal, they aren't supposed to look like that, and that they are truly beautiful when they are striving to be the best versions of themselves, not the closest copies of other people. 

This post is for those who haven't been told yet that they are valuable, worthy, and beautiful, because they are children of God.  God has formed and fashioned each one of you, and He does NOT make mistakes.  Maybe you aren't as attractive as you think you should be, maybe you've had people say unkind things to you about your appearance, but please let me remind you of something: you are worth so much more than your visual appearance.  Every single person has been created by God in a certain way, and every one of you is special in God's eyes.  He made you look the way you do for a reason, and- once again- He does NOT make mistakes.  By hating your appearance, you are hating a work of God's hands, and that is not only detrimental to yourself, but also offensive to Him!  He is your Father, you are an embodiment of His love, and you are amazing!  Just stop, look at yourself, and realize that every single inch of you was specifically designed by God, and He finds it "very good" (Genesis 1:31). 

And so I challenge you today to stop trying to measure up to society's demands of you, because let me tell you a secret: you never will be able to, no one ever can, because you will never be perfect enough.  Society takes all you give it, eats it up, uses it, and then looks for more.  It is never satisfied, and will never give you the affirmation you are looking for.  So stop caring about what Cosmopolitan  says you should look like, what the movies tell you your life should be, and start working to please the one Being whose opinion really matters.  Today, I challenge you, to stop asking "Am I pretty enough for guys/girls/my friends?".  Tell yourself instead, "God loves me, and when I live my life for Him, my love shines through, and I can find my beauty in my identity in Him".  "I am beautiful because God made me, and He does NOT make mistakes".

When you live for God, and make His opinion the most important, and stop worrying so darn much about what "other people" think, then you are set free to grow and become the person God intended, and you'll discover that you've been stifling all along, but that God enables you to breathe deeply, live fully, and laugh joyfully again.

You are an incredible, living soul, you are beautiful, God loves you, He delights in you, and if you seek to be a joy to Him, suddenly you'll realize that you are worth so much more than society would lead you to believe...

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

-1 Corinthians 6:19-20

On Starting Over... Goals

Two days in to 2014 the question on everyone's lips is "do you have any New Year's resolutions?".  It's the question everyone dreads, but feels obligated to answer, because it reminds him of all the resolutions he's failed to keep, all the things he should be doing better, and all the expectations everyone has of him.  He knows he won't be able to keep the resolutions, but he feels he must make them so he can at least show people he is a motivated individual, and try to convince himself that he can and will do better this year.  It's the same interior struggle he puts himself through every year, and though he never changes the way he forms his goals, he always expects himself to reach them, and always ends up disappointed.

This endless cycle is familiar to many, and this year it needs to change.  Every person has something that Sean Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, likes to call the Personal Bank Account.  Each goal reached and promise fulfilled is a deposit into that bank account, and each failure is a withdrawal.  Because people are so hard on themselves, the deposits are much smaller than the withdrawals, and it takes a lot of them to restore any semblance of self-esteem and interior peace once they are lost.  This is the root of why people need to change the way they make their goals. 

Listen carefully: you cannot do everything and you cannot change the past.  You cannot turn back time and change the way you spent it, so stop worrying, guilt-tripping, and fretting over the poor decisions or mistakes made.  Do what you can to amend the hurts you may have caused, but accept the fact that some things cannot be fixed, sometimes all you can do is ask for forgiveness, whether from God, a friend, or from yourself, and then let go.  The only way you can look ahead with hope is if you are at peace with what is behind.  You may be hurting, but you cannot heal until you've removed the dagger.  Do no let anger, guilt, hate, or a lack of forgiveness impair your ability to grow. 

Once you've learned to stop allowing the guilt of past failures overshadow your confidence in your ability to do better, you are ready to look at the future with new eyes, consider the coming months realistically, and make goals you can actually reach.  Instead of making big, impressive resolutions that can only be achieved if every day goes EXACTLY as planned and neither you nor those around you make any mistakes, set a couple of long term goals, and then establish "baby steps" in order to complete them.  Setting small, reachable goals will motivate you more, because you won't feel overwhelmed every time you think of them, will actually try to reach them since you believe you can, and as you achieve each one you will be that much more likely to work harder for the next one, because you will have the confidence in knowing you have already achieved something.  If you realize that the goals you have set are unreachable, do not give up on them, adjust them to fit your life.  They should be challenging but not impossible, because ultimately the point of making a goal is not to discourage yourself by never accomplishing it, but to help form you into a better, stronger person by helping you to focus your efforts towards the realization of something worth while, something that either helps you or those around you become better.

As Catholics, we also have the beautiful luxury of being able to offer up our daily struggle to God: be sure you do this!  Ask God every day to guide you, pray over your goals, ask for His blessing over them, and pray daily for the strength to achieve them, or adjust them, as necessary.

And may St. Paul, who transformed his life for Christ, lead your journey to transform yourselves for the better this year!

Introducing "On Starting Over..."

As the Christmas season reminds us to hope and trust in Christ again, and the New Year, with all of its resolutions and promises approaches, I would like to introduce a series called "On Starting Over...", in which I will write about how to recover after falling short of all you wanted to be in different areas of life.  The series will last through January, and the topics will include Goals, Relationships, Self-Worth, Spirituality, and Purpose.  Please be sure to check in if you find yourself feeling that all-too-familiar disappointment instead of peace and joy this Christmas and New Year.

May God bless all of you, and bring you grace and hope this Christmas.

A Few More Weeks...

Just a few more weeks of extremely hard work, and then I will be able to come home for a full month, my first semester of college completed!  It has been a very difficult couple of weeks, and the insanity that comes with the approach of Finals is just around the corner.  I can hardly believe that November is almost over!

But, in the midst of this craziness, Christ has been a constant, soothing presence, and during the time of year when my life is going to become the craziest, the Church's splendid liturgical calendar is starting a new year, and the wonderfully peaceful time of joyful preparation for Christ's birth also draws near.

So as you all- my dear, patient readers- mentally prepare yourselves for the craziness ahead as I am, take heart in knowing that the lovely season of Advent will be flowing like a peaceful current throughout the craziness, so let yourselves relax and let God fill your spirits with His stillness and quiet as the joyous exaltation of Christmas draws near.

And resist the urge to listen to that radio Christmas music!  Believe me, when Christmas actually comes, you'll be happy you did! :)

Have You Forgotten Yet?

For the world's events have rumbled on since those gagged days,

Like traffic checked a while at the crossing of city ways:

 

 

And the haunted gap in your mind has filled with thoughts that flow

Like the clouds in the lit heavens of life; and you're a man reprieved to go,

 

 

Taking your peaceful share of Time, with joy to spare.

But the past is just the same,- and War's a bloody game....

 

 

Have you forgotten yet?

 

 

Look down, and swear by the slain of the War that you'll never forget.

 

Excerpt taken from "Aftermath" by Siegfried Sassoon

 

Images from Yahoo.



College and Adulthood Begin...

Tomorrow will mark the end of my first week in college, and the day after completes my first week of adulthood.  There are a lot of big changes going on; life is very different now.  My family is not around me to support me, or to be a constant comfort.  The area is strange and unknown, the terrain totally different from home.  I'm responsible for myself and all of my actions- it is up to me alone to make sure I'm out the door, dressed, ready, at class on time, eating well, keeping deadlines, and honoring appointments.  It's a whole new world, and it is teaching me so much.

The amount of friends and family who have taken time to drop me a message, e-mail, or card expressing their support and love is incredibly heart-warming, and has led me to realize how truly blessed I am.  It is such a comfort to know that even when I'm far away, I will never be forgotten or unloved.  But being out on my own has also led my spiritual life to take on a whole new meaning- because for the first time in my life, Jesus is all that I have.  In the past, when I had a bad day or needed an extra hug, my family was always there.  But now- though I can call anytime- I cannot simply escape the weary world by coming home, I have to continue living in it.  This experience, I believe, is going to bring my relationship with Christ to a deeper level- for now I rely completely upon Him.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and support as I wait for my new life to settle down, and start figuring out how I am going to fit everything into my schedule. 

May God bless all those also starting new adventures, and may He bless all of you!



Not Alone: Resources

This week's topic is a fun one: "Are there any books, songs, prayers, etc that have helped you during this time of your life? Sharing is caring!".  Be sure to check out "Follow and Believe" for the wonderful suggestions of other lovely ladies struggling along the same path.

All right, here we go!

SONGS:

• "Haven't Met You Yet"- Michael Bublè
• I have written about this song repeatedly.  It is full of happiness and joyful anticipation as Michael sings about how wonderful it will be when he meets his future wife.  It is filled hope and patience: "I might have to wait, I'll never give up, I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck"- or, as Catholic would call it- Providence.
• "For Love of You"- Audrey Assad 
• In this song Audrey sings about how God's love courses through her, and flows like a current throughout her life.  This song expresses love for God, and His love's for God, so beautifully it helps me set dreams of romance aside for the proper time, in order to focus on growing in my love for Him.
• "Love Song for a Savior" - Jars of Clay
• This song is beautiful and fills me with the same desire to love as Audrey's song.  It paints a picture of the loveliness of a deep relationship with God, and the romance that is found within it, and helps bring excitement and joy to a spiritual life that is struggling.

BOOKS:

• Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love -Edward Sri
• This examines friendships, relationships, and the proper way to view the opposite sex in light of Blessed John Paul II's encyclical Love and Responsibility.  It is eye-opening and written very well.
• How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul- Jason and Crystalina Evert
• Though the first half of this book goes into how to break away from sinful and detrimental lifestyles that many reading this series have not experienced, it is a wonderful resource for those who are stuck in a dark hole and do not know how to climb out, or for people like me how have yet to enter the dating scene, but want to be prepared to do so when the time comes.  The couple reaffirms each woman's worth, and teaches her how to value herself, thus saving herself from abuse and heartbreak.
• Any kind of good, spiritual reading is a wonderful idea for this time, when focusing on a relationship with God will help make waiting for Mr. Right a little easier.

PRAYERS:

• 54-Day Rosary Novena
• Novena to St. Joseph
• Prayers to Mary for purity and patience (these are all covered in-depth in my Not Alone post on prayer)

I cannot think of any movies that help me with waiting patiently or with discerning my vocation.  Are there any movies you all have found helped you wait for your future husbands, anticipate him virtuously, or discern your vocation?  And what resources have helped you all?

The Curse of the Planners

 

 

Ever since I can remember, I have been a planner.  When a person loves making lists and has always been taught to be goal-motivated, I think it is impossible for him to escape developing such a habit.  From the smallest things to the biggest ones, I have a tendency to try to plan everything.  In many ways, this is a good thing.  After all, my plan to go to college motivated me to work hard in school and my plan to become an author led me to start writing online.  But there is one major drawback to being a person who likes to control and plan every major aspect of her life in advance: I have an incredibly hard time surrendering to God and His Providence.

As one of the few students who always dreaded group projects because it meant I could not be in charge of every aspect of my assignment, allowing another person to direct anything for me is a struggle.  Along the way my problems with stress and anxiety have made it very clear to those around me that though I might have a strong faith, I have much to learn about surrendering and trusting God completely.  I remember my Dad challenging me once while I was having yet another breakdown over college decisions, saying that if I was that worried about this that I was trying too hard to figure it out, and that I needed to reexamine my relationship with God.  In song lyrics, magazine articles, radio shows, and books I kept hearing about this process of surrendering everything to God, and the more stressed I became, the more the concept of not worrying anymore appealed to me.  Finally I asked my spiritual director how I could begin this process, and stop worrying so much.  He baffled me by laughing and responding simply with, "Just don't!".  Initially I was frustrated.  I was hoping for a step-by-step process, a how-to list, a plan.  But instead I received an impossible direction- to stop worrying.  Thinking that it would be of no use and that I would be able to call him in a month to tell him his advice was meaningless and that he needed to elaborate, I decided to put it to the test, and when I felt myself feeling overly-anxious about something, to simply try to stop.  This proved to not only be exceptionally difficult, but also incredibly perfect (irritatingly enough). 

Slowly but surely I learned to catch myself in the midst of stressful times and mentally slap myself out of it.  I started using phrases like "God-willing" or "I'll have to wait and see".  When I was tempted to give up or to convince myself that worrying was just something I did naturally and couldn't be helped, Gary Zimak's reminder that the quest to end anxiety is a daily struggle that must be fought saved me from giving up, and helped me revisit the challenge, though begrudgingly at first. And though I still have far to go in the process, I have found that just stopping and asking myself, "Why are you worrying so much about this and trying so hard to solve this on your own when God already has it handled?", has not only saved me many a headache, but also led me to discover the joy of living in the now.  As Christ asks His followers in Matthew's Gospel, "And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? [...] Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day," (Matt 6: 27, 34). 

So as these last weeks at home fly by, and I find myself tempted to worry about the future- how I'll survive without my family, how they'll survive without me, how I'll balance everything without being overwhelmed, or how I'm going to fit all my clothes into my tiny dorm closet- the words of Audrey Assad's song, "Everything is Yours", keep coming in my head, and I'm trying very hard to pray along with her, telling God that "If everything is yours, if everything is yours, if everything is yours, I'm letting it go, no- it was never mine to hold."

Though I'm finding that this is much easier said than done, I know that He will help me find a way.  And though I don't think I'll ever be entirely free of this cross, I hope that God will lead me to use this struggle as a way to find grace, instead of as a way to fall from it.

May God bless all the fellow worriers out there, and may I leave you with a prayer that my Mom gave me many years ago- a prayer that has continually helped me along the way:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

Amen.

Trying to Take it All In...

 

As my last days at home fly by and I try to take in every moment spent with my family before going off to college, this Chesterton quote comes to mind.  If only I could learn how to love and appreciate things to that extent before losing them!  For my college readers- what helped make leaving easier, and what helped ease the pain of homesickness once you all were away?

 

Hope everyone is having a blessed Sunday!  God bless!

 

Image from the American Chesterton Society.



Not Alone: Who I Am

This post is a couple weeks behind; for my take on the current topic, "Is it possible to be 'just friends' with a guy", follow the link over to IgnitumToday.

To continue with the insightful "Not Alone" series, being hosted by the lovely ladies over at "Follow and Believe", it is time to answer the "big question".  Who am I?  Is my identity found in guys, in my surroundings, my friends, my possessions, or in something greater than that?  When I am all alone and in silence, what is left- in other words, who am I at the very center of my being?

Though at first glance the topic may not seem to fit the series, in all actuality it is vital to it.  If young ladies never take time to define themselves without a guy, waiting on that future husband to help them shape who they are, they will never be strong enough to be in a relationship, not only with guys, but with God as well.

For the first few years of my life, I moved around frequently.  And though we've been in the same place for over a decade now, changes in schools and locations within the city have kept me from every really being able to become too attached to one person, object, or group.  To be entirely honest, I used to hate it.  I did not like change at all, and though at times I would become restless and ready for something different, I would later end up regretting it, whether it was switching schools or trying a new hairstyle.  I wanted everything to stay exactly the same all the time, because when things changed, I felt uncomfortable.  Thus, I should not have been surprised when I suffered from horrible insecurities during the second half of eighth grade and the first half of ninth.  Though nothing tragic had happened, I was bearing the weight of several different crosses, and trying too hard to do so on my own.  But just like the classic story of the footprints in the sand, God was carrying me the whole time, and right in the middle of the pain and self-loathing, He reached down through my parents and made it clear to me that I was not alone.  He showed me that the times I had been persecuted for my faith and forced to defend it had served their purpose.

I had a very child-like faith up through middle school.  I loved God, trusted the Church, and believed what my parents taught me- for the most part- without question.  But when an unexpected person began challenging my beliefs, I learned to respect and love the Church in a whole new way.  For the first time I had to investigate everything the Church did, why she did it, and while taking all of that in consideration, still stand strong and call the Catholic faith my own.  This experience prepared me for life in a way nothing else could, because it made me proud of who my parents had formed me to be, led me to realize how blessed I was to be born into a faith led by Truth Himself, and helped me realize that the Catholic Church was not just some institution that I chose to follow- the Catholic Church was my guiding light, and "Catholic" was not just a word I used to describe my religious affiliation- it was the definition of who I was.

Keeping God at the center, and letting my identity be found in Him, is a daily commitment and struggle.  It is not always easy, and- to be entirely honest- is something I'm finding difficult now as I approaching the dreaded/exciting day when I leave my family behind to start college.  But I know that when I'm on my own for the first time, experiencing the biggest change of my life, I will need Him to carry me once again- and will once again learn to find myself in Him, before anything else.  And then- and only then- will my heart find the peace it is searching for...

The Cross of Being Pro-Life

The Cross of Being Pro-Life

I highly recommend that you all check out this beautiful and insightful reflection on the wisdom of the Church's pro-life teachings, written by Chris Ricketts in light of his wife's fifth miscarriage.

More to come soon- have a great weekend!

The Light and Serious

I hope everyone is enjoying their July so far!

In the past week I've post on the Ink Desk and over at Catholic Stand, and wanted to share the articles for all those interested.

Over at the St. Austin Review's "Ink Desk" I wrote about my difficult decision to add a country song to my iPod in the post "Sex, Drugs, and Country?".

On a more serious note, I wrote about the approaching reality of martyrdom for Catholic Stand; the article is entitled "From Bed to the Public Square".

Have a great weekend, everyone, and God bless!

Not Alone: Vocational Despair

"Most of us have times where we despair about our vocations, or, if we know them (i.e. marriage), we despair that they will never be fulfilled. How do we deal with that despair and what are our best tips on moving past the despair into hope?"

Above is the topic-of-the-week in the Not Alone Series, hosted by Morgan and Co. over at "Follow and Believe".  This week's topic is very timely, as the social media of today makes it much too easy to compare your life story to that of others, and quickly become depressed when it seems yours could never be as great as theirs.

Here I must make a confession- though I do not read many "mommy blogs", I am VERY guilty of frequenting wedding blogs, scrolling through all the gorgeous pictures, and then letting out one of those pensive, dreamy, "when will it be my turn?" sighs.  While reading about the bloggers who are just beginning beautiful, Catholic, married lives, it is easy to become impatient.  They sound so happy, so peaceful, so content, and it is much too simple to think "I cannot wait until I find my future husband, then I'll be happy".  But therein is where the problem lies.  Personally, I spend way too much time dreaming of all the fun I am going to have once I meet my Prince Charming, and not enough time living in the moment, enjoying every second of every day that God gives me.  This is what inspired a post I wrote on IgnitumToday a couple months ago entitled "The Top Five Ways to -NOT- Grow in Emotional Purity", which I invite all of you to read.   I truly believe that cultivating emotional purity is the absolute best way to avoid depression and despair in the days before your vocational calling is fulfilled.  By abstaining from songs or movies that trigger your thoughts in a negative direction, learning to view the guys around you as potential friends- not boyfriend candidates-, and centering your thoughts on Christ instead of Romeo, you will find much more peace of mind.  By working on bettering yourself, you will be doing the absolute best thing possible to prepare for your vocation- whether it is marriage, the single life, or religious life.

As far as moving from despair into hope is concerned, making sure that you do not allow all of your thoughts to become self-pitying ones is essential.  When you're having one of those days when it seems like everyone has a significant other except for you, and no matter where you turn you cannot escape the reality that you are the only human being out there who is still single, your mind stops thinking about anything but how miserable you are.  That is called self-pity, and it leads to judgment, jealous, envy, and selfishness.  It is important that when  you catch your thoughts heading in that direction, you stop and do something distracting and uplifting.  Put on some music that makes you smile and bake a cake.  Put on your most comfortable exercise outfit and go MOVE!  Grab your sunglasses and let some good ol' sunshine bring a smile to your face.  Call a friend or bribe a sibling and check out a local restaurant.  Go see a funny movie, or read a funny book.  Do NOT wallow in those thoughts, or make them worse by consuming an entire bag of Doritos while watching "Say Yes to the Dress" re-runs.  Doing something active will boost your energy, and doing something for or with someone else will help you refocus on the people around you, instead of yourself.  Or, to use the cliché phrase, work on finding J-O-Y by remembering what it stands for: "J-esus, O-thers, Y-ourself".

Focus on Christ, thank Him every day for your blessings, and when you are tempted to fall into anxiety or sorrow because your future vocation seems unreachable, say a prayer for strength, for your future husband/ religious life, put in a Michael Bublè CD, bake a batch of sugar cookies, and offer up your troubles to God, because it's hard to sing the words with a frown on your face!

May God bless all of you, and give you joy!

Purgatory Examined

"And of that second kingdom will I sing/ Wherein the human spirit doth purge itself,/ And to ascend to heaven becometh worthy". 

So begins Dante's Purgatorio, the second part of his legendary The Divine Comedy, in which he offers an unparalleled depiction of Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven by traveling through them.  Following the despair and intensity of Hades, Dante's Purgatory is depicted as a difficult place.  Nevertheless, it is a place full of hope where Heaven's closeness is always at the mind's forefront, giving the suffering souls a reason to persevere in their journey towards the top.  Though the pain is real, it will end, and the Paradise awaiting will be more than enough to make the purification worth it.

This "middle stage" between Heaven and Hell has been artistically depicted in a variety of ways by authors ranging from the legendary C.S. Lewis to the "storyman" Neal Shusterman.  In every unique depiction, whether or not the author calls it "Purgatory" by name, the idea that there is a place before Heaven where souls who are not damned, but not yet ready for Paradise, go until they are ready, is the same.  And whether that place is one of punishment- as in Purgatorio- or one of peace- as in Cynthia Rylant's Heavenly Village- the inhabitants know that they cannot stay, and that a greater good awaits them.  In every story it is up to each person to work his way to Heaven while in this stage, whether by learning to let go of earthly pleasures, enduring penitential trials, or pursuing a lifestyle until it has served its purpose.  Some stories, like Tolkien's "Leaf by Niggle", combine several of these concepts, and the main character must labor to be cleansed, and must also learn to lay unfinished business on Earth to rest before he can advance to the greater glories awaiting him.

Though Catholicism is the only religion that will universally declare a belief in such a place, the varied stories surrounding it prove that it is a concept that many have pondered- but why?  Why would various people of opposite backgrounds all imagine the existence of a place often thought controversial?  The simple answer is: because reason demands it.  When going to visit a king, one would not think of leaving the house without showering, dressing up, putting on his best things, and bringing a gift of appreciation.  Why then would it be any different when going to see the King of the Universe? 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines Purgatory as the "final purification of the elect, which is entirely different from the punishment of the damned,".  It explains that "all who die in God's grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven," (CCC 1030-1031).  Though there are no biblical verses which clearly outline the existence of Purgatory, The Books of Maccabees depict soldiers praying for the souls of those who have died in battle- a practice which would be pointless if those who had died had certainly reached their final resting place.  St. Paul also speaks of a cleansing fire in which the works of those on Earth will be tested.  Since the earliest centuries prayers and Masses were offered up for the souls of the departed, in the interest of shortening their time in Purgatory and bringing the joy of Heaven closer. 

In his well-known City of God St. Augustine wrote that "temporary punishments are suffered by some in this life only, by others after death, by others both now and then; but all of them before that last and strictest judgment,".  Thus, Purgatory is the final cleansing place which God in His mercy provides to enable more souls who honestly lived for Him, but died with unfinished business or venial sins, to be able to enter Paradise with Him. 

May we all learn to thank the Lord for this ultimate second chance to purify the good intentions and correct the failed attempts of our mortal life, so as to enjoy immortality with Him.

See Catholic Answers' "Purgatory" tract for more information and biblical connections.

Image from Wikipedia.